Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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