wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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