They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
