So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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