I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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