your room smells of hookers.
And success
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
