Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
