Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
