i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
