just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
