So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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