I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
