I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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