Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
