Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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