Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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