I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
