Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
