i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
