apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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