wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
