He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
