He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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