I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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