What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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