im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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