in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
