I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
