She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
