going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
