You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
