Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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