this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
