I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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