Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
