lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
