Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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