dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
