i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
