I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
