And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
