I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
