did you get engaged???
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
