nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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