Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
