I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
