You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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