Ketchup is God's man juice
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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