I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
