So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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