Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
