my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
