No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is it penis luge time yet?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
