Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
