she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
